What we are anchored to, in this life, makes a huge impact on how we weather our storms and the fruit we produce in the seasons to growth. Living primarily in Alaska and the Pacific Northwest, I spend an amazing amount of time in the forest, and have come to understand the importance of having healthy roots and solid soil in my own life and in my marriage, based on the wisdom found beneath my feet.

In Fall of 2023, my husband, Bill, decided to head back to college to study Forestry at the refined age of 54. So we packed up our Tundra with our sweet old dog, Laci, a truck full of staples, a rooftop tent, and headed south to Bend, Oregon. Here, we have been spending several days each week on the mountains and trails we are privileged to live around. As we hike, Bill identifies the species of trees, studies their health, and we discuss the lifecycle and growth of these giants.

Some of the things that amaze me:

• A trees roots dive down to soak up the water and nutrients found in the soil, in order for them to grow. So the soil really matters. Trees can only live in the soil that can support them and there must be moisture to replenish them.
• The roots of the trees wrap around the obstacles they encounter, such as, rocks and other tree roots. The obstacles don’t stop their growth. Rather, the obstacles become anchors for the root.
• Trees communicate with one another through their roots. They can send the message of drought, freeze, and infestation of predators throughout the forest so the other trees can make preparation for what is coming.
• Trees that stand beside one another will entwine their roots to provide additional support for heavy rains, snows, and wind events. When one of the trees encounters these challenges, the other tree actually fortifies and ‘pulls’ the opposite direction to provide additional support to it’s companion.
• Even in the aftermath of a fire, many trees can only propagate in the aftermath of the flames and many species require fire to be healthy and grow.

I find myself standing in wonder at how, like the trees, we are rooted in relationship. Each of us, as individuals, are responsible to send our roots deep into good soil and it is ours to manage the obstacles we encounter. We cannot rely solely on the roots of our companion for strength and growth. We must establish our own anchors to thrive. When we tend to our own grounding, we are capable of sharing our sturdiness with another and receiving their stability in return.

As I ponder my own marriage in midlife, I am struck by similarities we share with the arbors over our heads and the twisting foundations beneath us. In midlife, longterm partners are faced with their own individual challenges and can lose their way and stop tending to their own roots. When this happens to one of us, it impacts our companion that is relying on us, as we are dependent on them in return. I find it essential for my partnership, that we are each being diligent to manage the health of our roots and where we are receiving our nourishment. By doing so, we provide stability and strength to our marriage.

Ways we can tend to our own roots…

• Stay in tune with our own needs and desires. Don’t become so immersed in our companion’s life or growth that we cease to self-regulate and tend to our own health and happiness. This prevents unhealthy ‘co-dependence’ and ensures fortifying ‘inter-dependence’.
• When we face obstacles and challenges, don’t allow them to stop our growth. We need to take responsibility for managing them, growing around them, and incorporating the lessons we learn into our own resiliency. By doing this, what we overcome becomes an anchor to our partner, as well.
• Be mindful of the soil and nourishment we reside in. We each need to minimize stress, pursue our own ambitions, choose wellness, establish routines and goals that serve us, and surround ourselves with healthy connections to others. This ensures a vibrant, grounding network that empowers us, both individually, and as a team.
• Communicate regularly to our spouse. Just like trees, we should be sharing what we are experiencing and learning with the person that stands beside us. When the communication stops- the relationship ceases to thrive and the fruit of relationship withers and can die.
• Don’t fear the fires when they come… trust in the roots we’ve nurtured… that they will take the struggle and use it for our betterment.

It is my hope that you can see the importance of being rooted in relationship and that you are challenged to see your marriage in a new light. I encourage you to hit the trails and take a hike with your mate. Share what you learned in this post and allow yourself to soak in the wonder of it all. Thank you for spending time with me today. I invite you to check out my Facebook and Instagram feeds for more of the day to day and of course, feel free to reach out and schedule a FREE CONSULTATION CALL with me anytime. Feel free to share this post with other couples in the middle years!